Stop Being Reactive!

I’m back!!  I just got in a couple of hours ago from my weekend trip to Denver, Colorado.  I went out to Colorado to watch the Rocky Mountain Classic Bikini competition on Saturday, November 12, 2011 at the EXDO event center.  I drove out to Colorado by myself on Friday morning.  I initially had plans to go with my training partner & her husband, but they backed out and then I was going to go with a friend and that fell through.  So, I decided that I needed some time away and that the long drive would do me good to be alone with my thoughts.  One of my favorite things to do when I’m struggling is to get in the car and just drive.  There’s something therapeutic about being alone with your thoughts and allowing myself time to process the events that have been taking place.  And that is just what I did.  On my way out, just one exit away from North Platte, on I-80, there was an accident about 1 mile in front of me.  So, I spent an hour reading my book as we were all parked on the interstate.  Later a lady informed us that the talk from the trucker’s CB radios were that it was going to be a couple more hours before they had it all cleared up.  So, I took the ditch and crossed over to the other side of the interstate and took back roads around the mess.  I got into Denver about 6:30pm and went to dinner with my 3 aunts, my uncle and my one cousin.  It was nice to spend some family time together.  The next morning, I got up and went to the gym.  I have an all access pass to 24 Hour Fitness that allows me to use any of their gyms across the United States.  I had the most AMAZING workout.  I LOVE altitude training!!!  I can’t say that I did anything really different; I spent time on the cybex machine and the stair mill, but I felt my heart leaping out of my chest.  I got my heart rate up into the 170’s!!  I also did a great ab routine and stretching too.  Later we did a bit of shopping and then I headed to the competition with my cousin.  We didn’t have much trouble finding it, and when we got there, there was a huge line.  It was getting close to 5pm and the building was pretty small.  I had asked a girl who was walking out if the competition had started and she said she didn’t think so, but that they were sold out, unless you purchased your ticket online.  I was like…. WHAT????  Ohhhh, I was soooo bummed.  I was going to purchase tickets a week ago when I thought my friend was going with me, but didn’t want to be stuck with a ticket if I ended up going alone.  Now, I was regretting it.  The main reason for my trip, unfulfilled.  It took me about an hour to get over it and I redefined my trip to be a “family trip”.  It made no sense to dwell on it, which was only going to bum me out more.  So, I moved on.  We got back and I hung out with family the rest of the night/weekend and it was great!  

It turns out that it was a fabulous trip and that the change in scenery and the time to myself was just what I needed.  While I was driving home today from Colorado, I spent some time listening to Stephen Covey’s “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” and his topic on proactivity really spoke to me in regards to a training frustration of mine over the past 3 weeks.  He said, “our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions”.  And that “we have the initiative and the responsibility to make things happen”.  He continued talking about the word responsibility or looking it as 2 words, Response and Ability, indicating “the ability to choose our response”.  What I pulled from it was this, when I look back at my frustrations with people, I realized I chose that negative response.  I let myself be “reactive” to other people’s behaviors, instead of being proactive and choosing to make my response to people based on my values and my goals.  You see, reactive people are often affected by their environments, they let the weaknesses of others control their feelings and emotions.  I too was doing that.  Instead of focusing my energies on staying true to my commitment, working out hard each day and eating right; I instead allowed other’s behaviors to affect me emotionally and negatively.  Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can hurt you without your consent”. 

I have to remember that I CHOSE this journey and no one else.  I CHOSE all the rewards and the consequences of this commitment/goal.  I MADE the commitment to MYSELF to compete in the bikini competition. There are a lot of people that won’t understand what I’m doing and why.  There will be people that will say they will help me and then not.  There will be naysayers, there always are.  At the end of each day and at the end of this journey, I only have myself to answer to.  I am grateful though to those that have stepped forward to support me in this journey.  I lean on your words of support and encouragement each day.  Thank you for being there for me.  I try not to use names in my blog, since I haven’t asked anyone’s permission, but you all know who you are!!  Sending lot of love and hugs your way!! 

Mental State

As I stated before, this has to be one of the challenging and difficult things that I have ever done in my life.  It’s not the physical workouts that I have a tough time with, it’s the mental games and challenges that are killing me.  So there’s a pretty strict eating schedule that I follow.  Let me fill you in…

EATING =  UGGGHHH!!!!  I have a love/hate relationship with food these days.  If I had a choice, I’d choose to get fed through a feeding tube.  I really hate to cook and find no pleasure in it.  However, I LOVE to bake, but my ass doesn’t like me to bake too much.  (LOL)  ;)  I am simplistic in my meals, it makes it easier to plan this way.  I pretty much eat the same handful of foods every day.  The routine is annoying, but important to get me to my goals.  A couple of weeks ago, my trainer decreased my carb intake down to 72 grams of carbs a day.  Needless to say, this has been a great challenge to me, one that I seldom have been able to make these past couple weeks.  Do you know how many carbs are in things??  There’s 20 grams of carbs in one apple!!  About 19 grams of carbs in one packet of Quaker original (instant) oatmeal.  Basically your carbohydrates come from items with sugars and fiber.  Pop has tons of sugar, so that equals tons of carbs.  So now you’re probably thinking, so what the heck is she eating??  Exactly!  Let me fill you in.  My cubemate at work jokes that I’m on a feeding schedule and actually, it’s kind of true.  This is what my daily schedule looks like. 

4:30/4:45am – Wake up

4:45-5:45am – Get dressed for the gym, prepare breakfast & other meals for the day, do odds & ends around my apt., check e-mails/Facebook messages, etc.  Take 2 BCAA supplements

5:45 am – Leave for the gym.

6-7am – Work out.  When finished with workout take 2 BCAA supplements

7:30 am – Shower

8am – Eat Meal #1 which always consists of:  4 egg whites & 1 whole egg scrambled & 1 packet of Quaker Original (no sugar) oatmeal with cinnamon added.  (It tastes kind of like glue, but it’s my main source of carbs for the day so I enjoy every bite of it!)  Prior to every meal I take one free form amino acid supplement.

10am – Meal #2:  Vanilla protein shake & a green vegetable (green beans, asparagus, edamame, broccoli) and 8 almonds. 

Noon – Meal #3:  4 oz of lean protein (chicken, turkey, fish, and occasional lean beef) and vegetables – mostly green veggies, but sometimes carrots & cauliflower. 

2pm – Meal #4:  Vanilla protein shake & a green vegetable and 8 almonds. 

4pm – Meal #5:  Vanilla protein shake or 4 oz of lean protein & a green vegetable and 8 almonds. 

6pm – Meal #6:  4 oz of lean protein & a green vegetable.

7/8pm - Bedtime 

Occasionally I’ll add some fruits into the mix, mostly low glycemic fruits such as cantaloupe, strawberries, blackberries, & raspberries.   I can also have all the mushrooms, peppers, onions, celery, cabbage, cucumbers & spinach I want.  The challenge mentally comes in #1, preparing all my meals for the entire week & #2, the mundane foods that I eat day in and day out.  I definitely get full eating every 2 hours, but I can’t say that I get “satisfied” from my meals.  That’s where the mental struggle comes in.  There are times I’d rather just skip my 2pm or 4pm meal because, honestly, I can’t choke down much more chicken.  But, if I do end up missing it, then my cravings get WAY out of control.  The more I stick to the schedule, the more successful I am in reducing my cravings and stoking the fire of my body burning all those calories.  It’s a constant battle to get the protein and nutrients I need to repair my muscles from those tough daily workouts and to turn off my brain that says I really don’t want to eat it because it doesn't satisfy me like say pastas, snickers bars, and ice cream.  

So my friend tonight asked me if I thought this was all worth it?  To be honest, I’m struggling with that answer right now.  Part of me wants to throw the towel in and say “screw this!!” because it would be so much easier to just give up and go on and enjoy the upcoming holiday season and go have some beers at a tailgate or a nice big piece of cheesecake.  BUT, then that other side of my brain kicks in and starts thinking about all those motivational quotes, like “Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.” – Jim Rohn.  “Many of life’s failures are people who do not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” – Thomas Edison.  “Today I will do what others won’t, so tomorrow I can accomplish what others can’t.” – Jerry Rice.  “The difference in winning and losing is most often… not quitting." – Walt Disney.  What if I’ve made it all this way and have lost over 8% body fat and just quit on a goal/dream of mine.  To me, walking away is the same as giving up and what do I learn about adversity with that?  Part of me wonders if I was a little ambitious on my timeline and scheduled the contest too soon.  This is too big of a deal to make a snap decision.  I’m gonna let it marinate over the next couple of weeks.  I should know more about how I feel after watching the Rocky Mountain Classic this weekend.  I’m hoping that it will provide me with the inspiration that I need to keep pushing forward.  It’s a daily battle filled with many temptations and choices.  I’ve adopted the AA slogan “One day at a time”, and sometimes for me it’s one hour at a time. 

I have 3 goals that are a focus for me:  1) sticking to my nutrition 2) stretching 3) getting my extra cardio in every day.  It takes every ounce of will power and perseverance every day to meet those goals.  I fully expect to have many more of these mental breaks as I continue throughout this process.  As I’ve said before, this is by far the toughest thing I have ever done.  Here’s to a weekend of rejuvenation!  

Tourniquet Tight Muscles

Have you ever had muscles so tight that you feel like someone placed a tourniquet so tight on it that you feel like it’s going to tear?  That’s how my hamstrings feel.  I’ve used them so much over the past 3 months that any exercises with them now is almost too much.  My general workout schedule for the past 3 months consisted of 1:1 specific body part training on Tuesday & Thursday and then my own body part training on Saturday or Sunday.  Training would look like this: 

Monday:  6am – Group Circuit Training

Tuesday:  6am - 1:1 Glutes training

Wednesday:  6am – Group Circuit Training

Thursday:  1:1 Back/Shoulders training – Sometimes biceps/triceps

Friday:  6am – Group Circuit Training

Saturday:  OFF

Sunday:  Chest/Biceps/Triceps on my own.

For our circuit training we do some type of rotation between the various weight machines in the gym, integrated with bouts of 4 minute cardio sessions between body parts, ab work or lunges/squats.  At times we will use kettle bells too.  The aim is for a full body workout.  It has definitely made a difference in my training and my body! 

So, I’ve been struggling for a while with my tight muscles.  I would say it is the result of #1 bad stretching routine, or more honestly, no stretching routine and #2 a decade + of stressful jobs and relationships. When I get stressed my muscles tense up so bad that it continually gets more difficult to relax them.  I am chronically in search for some much needed balance in my life and a state of calmness and peace.  So, since decreasing my training, for now, isn’t an option, I guess I need to increase my stretching and relaxation.  My goal to start is to stretch 20 min in the AM and 20 min in the PM.  Today I did get my AM stretching done, but still have to do my PM stretching before I go to bed.  So much to do... how exhausting!!  

Till tomorrow.  

How it all got started.

At the start of every new year, I have a history of making new goals for myself to be completed throughout that year.  Some call it New Years Resolutions; I just call it goal setting.  Over the course of the past 4 years I have gone through a lot of personal, internal growth.  I have challenged views that I was raised with, worked on bettering my communications skills and boundaries, and being more assertiveness in my life.  By the end of 2010, I felt great internal strength.  As the new year was approaching, I decided that this was the year to make the outside of my body appear as strong as I felt mentally and emotionally on the inside.  So unlike all the other weight loss goals that I have set before, this one was different.  I wasn’t in search of a specific number that I wanted to weigh or a certain size I wanted to be, my goal was work hard until “I could SEE my muscles”.  Then I started thinking.  I wanted to go about this in a healthy and positive way and started contemplating competing in a bodybuilding competition.  I wasn’t sure exactly what the final goal was going to be, but thought I would begin working hard towards the fitness goal of “seeing my muscles” and see once what would develop from there. 

In January 2011, I set off on my journey towards building a stronger body.  I knew my past struggles with losing weight and staying consistent, so I decided to give a trainer a try to help keep me accountable to my fitness goals.  On January 24, 2011, I signed on at T. F. working with D & M.  Three days/week they would put me through a solid weight routine and I would get in my cardio 3-5 days/week for 20-30 min.  I initially started at 136 lbs and approx. 25% body fat.  I worked out with D & M until June 17, 2011 when I stopped because I felt like I was reaching a plateau and we were doing the same weight/cardio routines.  It was also about this time that the idea of really competing in some type of physique contest continued to be intriguing to me and I had a friend who’s husband had done some bodybuilding contests before and had the knowledge to make my goal/dream a reality.  So I met up with Mark, who is the owner of Personalize Fitness and Nutrition on June 17^th and we discussed the potential of entering into a bikini competition or a figure competition depending on my level of muscle tone.  The idea of competing was intriguing to me and he helped me to see the possibilities of this goal coming to fruition.  The other part of this goal that appeared so attractive to me was that I could embark on this process with a good friend of mine, and Mark’s wife, Katie.  We would be able to train together and support each other throughout this process.  From my history of weight loss, accountability and having a partner to encourage me is what I always find helps me to be successful.  It appeared that my lofty goal at the beginning of the year could possibly come true. 

On July 26, 2011, I weighed in at 135 lbs and my body fat was 19.6%.  I had made some progress throughout the first part of the year and looked forward to making even more.  It was decided that I would shoot for entering a bikini competition and at first I looked at entering The Rocky Mountain Classic in Denver, CO on 11-12-11, but as time went on, I didn’t feel that I would be ready in time.  A new contest was identified and I have registered to compete in the Arnold Classic in Columbus, Ohio, March 1-4^th, 2012. 

Let me share a bit about what a bikini competition is about.  A bikini competition is not considered “bodybuilding”, but rather a physique contest.  Bikini competitors are judged by a panel of judges who score the physique by assessing overall muscle tone with shapely lines, overall firmness and small degree of muscularity with separation, and a healthy appearance (face/makeup/skin tone).  Competitors should NOT display excessive leanness and should have NO visible striations within the muscles.  Competitors will complete and individual walk in front of the judges and then will be compared amongst the other competitors in a tasteful 2 piece bikini (no thong bottoms are allowed).  Hopefully that gives you a better idea of the competition. 

I am now 3 months into my training, and I have made great progress, but continue to struggle in many areas.  Let’s talk progress first.  Most bikini competitors on contest day average approximately 10-12% body fat.  My goal is to reach 12% body fat by March 1, 2012.  Currently, as of October 29, 2011, I weighed 137 (including workout clothes & shoes) and was at 16.7% body fat.  My approximate lean weight was 114.1 lbs and my approximate fat weight is 22.9 lbs.  I am close to being on track with losing a percentage point of BF each month, but this past month I only lost ½%. 

My struggles:  One area that has mildly bothered me throughout the year is that I have dropped approx. 8.3% body fat throughout the course of 2011 and I have not lost hardly any pounds on the scale.  I mean seriously!!  I am very aware that muscle weighs more than fat, but it’s just frustrating to not see any changes on the scale.  It messes with me mentally at times.  Another struggle that has emerged throughout this process is that I had no idea how mentally challenging this goal would be.  I have no troubles doing the actual physical workouts.  I really enjoy them and love challenging my body in that way.  However, when it comes to the eating and sticking to the nutritional plan, it is by far the HARDEST thing I have ever done!!!  It takes a lot of mental strength to talk yourself out of various food cravings and remember why I am doing this and recommitting to the process each and every time.  Unfortunately, I can’t say that I am able to do that every time.  I wish I could.  It’s hard to say no to the temptations all around me.  The times that are the hardest for me are when I am working and creating and sticking to my eating schedule.  At my jobs (I work 2 part time jobs), the one has so many candies, cookies, cakes, potluck lunches, and etc sitting around ALL THE TIME!!!  My other job is at a golf course where we sell candies, chips, donuts, and etc.  I constantly have to challenge my internal strength when I’m working. 

Another area of struggle is support.  What I find is that there are a lot of misconceptions and stereotypes about bikini and bodybuilding competitions.  Most people around me don’t understand what I’m doing and why and therefore find it difficult to understand it.  People fear what they do not know.  I have had close friends and family member question if I was throwing up my food or concerned that I was not eating at all.  People have commented “you are looking so skinny” and I take that in a negative way.  My goal isn’t to look skinny; it’s to look STRONG!  And just to be clear, I can’t get to the place where I look STRONG if I’m not eating to fuel my body or if I’m throwing up my food.  That will do too much damage to my body and it won’t make it possible to reach my goal.  I have definitely had to do a lot of teaching to others on nutrition.  One of the really cool things that have emerged from this is that I have become a fitness role model for people that I work with.  They have been my BIGGEST supporters for me.  They ask a lot of questions about what I’m eating/not eating, how my training is going, struggles I’m having, and I’ve been able to educate them on fitness and nutrition.  They help keep me accountable more and more when I’m there.  My family doesn’t quite understand what I’m doing and why and my friends are supportive, but what I find is that the training & nutrition schedule isolates you some from activities that I’m used to doing with friends.  It’s really tough to balance it all and I continue to work on this.  Any ideas?

This blog is going to be about my journey to the competition with all the ups and downs that come along with it and I hope that you all will ride along with me.