I may have been down, but don't count me out just yet!

Well it’s been a long time since I wrote my last blog.  I bet you probably all thought that I just gave up huh?  To be honest, it crossed my mind.  When I realized my training partner wasn’t going to go though with the contest, it really hurt me and bummed me out, to the point that I gave up all together for a while.  I told myself I just needed time to give my body a rest from the extensive over training of my muscles.  (There were days when I was training that I worked the same muscles 3-4 days in a row.)  Before you knew it, 1-2 weeks fell into 1-2 months.  The last couple of months I’ve been pretty hard on myself, feeling like my goal was slipping like sand through my hands.  I lost more than just my muscle tone over these past couple of months; I lost my drive and motivation too.  I went from feeling like I could conquer anything the world set in front of me and turned into a lump of mush that was indulging in way too many pity parties.  I will say that it wasn’t all a total loss.  I learned about how my body responds to some foods, carbs, protein, and exercise.  I also now know that it is possible for me to reach 16% body fat, when other trainers told me that I would never reach it.  I also learned that throughout 2011, I REALLY pushed the weight training and gained significant lean muscle mass, but what I was really lacking was intense cardio to shed the extra layer of fat off to define my muscles.  Weight training can only take a body so far, cardio is what leans a person out.  They really go hand in hand. 

I also realized, yet again, that you truly can’t count on anyone but yourself.  In sharing my story with other competitors, they too agree.  I’ve found this to be true throughout my life.  I am not one to bail on commitments.  If I say I’m going to do something, I do it.  I expect the same from my partners.  There are rare occasions that something will prevent me from following through, and it bothers me greatly to cancel plans.  In 2012, I am going to reach my goal by myself (i.e. no workout partner) and will only look to others (friends/family) for emotional support.  So, with that all said, I’m climbing my way back to where I was in November.  I’m learning to let go of the last couple of months and the disappointment that I feel, as there is no benefit in holding onto it.  What’s important is what I do today to reach my goal.  Preparation is key to success is all areas.  It’s Sunday night and I got my food all prepared for the week.  I got my workouts all planned out for the week too.  I’ve got circuit training MWF and then I’m going to hit as many kickboxing classes as I can get into this week.  With 8 months to go, I don’t want to waste one single day.  I may have been down, but don’t count me out yet.  

Adjust The Course

Well, my apologies that it’s been a while since I’ve last blogged.  It’s amazing how the time just zooms right by.  Let me try and catch you all up to speed on where I’m at in this process.  So, after returning from Colorado, I was working on getting refocused.  I continued to struggle to get my extra cardio workouts in and to keep on the straight and narrow for my eating.  On Saturday, November 19^th, I spent all day attending the Bluff’s Classic in Council Bluffs, IA.  It was a USA Super Pro-Qualifier in the natural bodybuilding circuit.  I FINALLY got to see a show!!!  In the morning they had the judging of all the areas:  open figure, open bikini, figure masters 35+, bikini 35+, and all the men’s bodybuilding divisions.  The evening show started at 5:30pm and it was AWESOME!!  It really solidified the fact that I REALLY want to do this.  I could see the hours and months that it took these competitors to reach the physical transformation that appeared to me on stage.  To me, a physical transformation such as this takes tremendous courage, strength and determination.  So, after that contest, it was game on!  The only problem was, I still felt a lot of pressure and weight on my shoulders and I was struggling to understand it. 

The week of Thanksgiving, I continued to struggle to meet my low carb count and felt tired all the time.  I had no energy to stick to my extra workouts and I had no mental strength to keep up my scheduled eating and making the right food choices.  I knew a lot of the culprit was the low carb levels.  The other pressure I was feeling was knowing that I was only 3 months away from the competition in Columbus, Ohio.  I felt like if I pushed myself to make it happen, that I’d be traveling to the competition alone.  I also felt that if I pushed myself to really drop the Body Fat % that I need to drop, that I’d probably kill myself in that short time to make it happen.  My gut just kept coming back to the fact that I needed more time to reach my goal.  The other side of the coin is that paying for training is getting to be very costly.  Though, I’m extremely grateful for all the knowledge that I have accumulated throughout this past year, I just can’t afford it any more.  So choices and changes needed to be made. 

What I realized is this.  I have no intent to disengage from my goal of competing in a bikini competition.  I have come way too far to abandon it now.  Actually, after attending the Bluffs Classic, I feel more fuel has been added to the fire.  I also know, that even though it is going to take me longer to reach my goal, this doesn’t mean that I’ve failed.  I believe it is courageous to recognize when a timeline is too ambitious and to readjust our paths accordingly.  The other neat thing about this is that over the course of this next year, I am going to put into use the knowledge and tools that my trainers have shared with me and prove to myself that I CAN train myself and that I WILL see results.  Now that I’ve seen the competition that I will be competing in, I will better be able to visualize the experience and know what to expect when my time and my goal comes to fruition. 

Currently, here’s what I’m doing.  As the end of the year inches closer, I realized that I had some Groupon’s that needed to be used up before they expire.  Back in June I purchased a months training at a training facility here in town and had to use it before it expired on Dec. 12^th, 2011.  So, I ended the personal 1:1 training and am using up my Groupon till the end of the year.  2012, I’m on my own.  ;)  I’m planning some great circuit workouts and weight lifting schedules.  My goal is to really focus on changing it up frequently so to avoid any type of plateau.  I realized at this new place that I am physically REALLY strong, but that my cardio conditioning is pretty weak.  I’ve been huffing and puffing at times throughout the workouts and love every moment of it.  I feel like I’m back in high school doing my volleyball conditioning.  We even did the band sprints where you wrap the elastic band around your waist and you sprint as hard as you can while the person behind you tries to hold you back.  I did those in track practice sometimes. 

Overall, I feel really happy with my decisions that I’ve made towards my goal and that this is the best thing for ME. 

I thought I’d leave you with a little something this time.  Here is a fun little workout that kicked my butt yesterday.  It doesn’t look bad, but boy does it pack a punch!!!  You can do this in the comfort of your own home and it doesn’t take any equipment.  There are 5 exercises that you preform each for 60 seconds (no rest between exercises), then you rest 1 minute when you complete that set before going on to the 45 second set of exercises.  The numbers in the columns are the reps that I accomplished.  See if you can beat my numbers!!  =)

Exercise	60 Sec	45 Sec	30 Sec	15 Sec
Burpees	15	11	10	5
Squats	43	35	26	14
Push Ups (knees)	35	35	26	15
Jumping Jacks	81	65	44	23
Sit Ups	35	30	22	12

Stop Being Reactive!

I’m back!!  I just got in a couple of hours ago from my weekend trip to Denver, Colorado.  I went out to Colorado to watch the Rocky Mountain Classic Bikini competition on Saturday, November 12, 2011 at the EXDO event center.  I drove out to Colorado by myself on Friday morning.  I initially had plans to go with my training partner & her husband, but they backed out and then I was going to go with a friend and that fell through.  So, I decided that I needed some time away and that the long drive would do me good to be alone with my thoughts.  One of my favorite things to do when I’m struggling is to get in the car and just drive.  There’s something therapeutic about being alone with your thoughts and allowing myself time to process the events that have been taking place.  And that is just what I did.  On my way out, just one exit away from North Platte, on I-80, there was an accident about 1 mile in front of me.  So, I spent an hour reading my book as we were all parked on the interstate.  Later a lady informed us that the talk from the trucker’s CB radios were that it was going to be a couple more hours before they had it all cleared up.  So, I took the ditch and crossed over to the other side of the interstate and took back roads around the mess.  I got into Denver about 6:30pm and went to dinner with my 3 aunts, my uncle and my one cousin.  It was nice to spend some family time together.  The next morning, I got up and went to the gym.  I have an all access pass to 24 Hour Fitness that allows me to use any of their gyms across the United States.  I had the most AMAZING workout.  I LOVE altitude training!!!  I can’t say that I did anything really different; I spent time on the cybex machine and the stair mill, but I felt my heart leaping out of my chest.  I got my heart rate up into the 170’s!!  I also did a great ab routine and stretching too.  Later we did a bit of shopping and then I headed to the competition with my cousin.  We didn’t have much trouble finding it, and when we got there, there was a huge line.  It was getting close to 5pm and the building was pretty small.  I had asked a girl who was walking out if the competition had started and she said she didn’t think so, but that they were sold out, unless you purchased your ticket online.  I was like…. WHAT????  Ohhhh, I was soooo bummed.  I was going to purchase tickets a week ago when I thought my friend was going with me, but didn’t want to be stuck with a ticket if I ended up going alone.  Now, I was regretting it.  The main reason for my trip, unfulfilled.  It took me about an hour to get over it and I redefined my trip to be a “family trip”.  It made no sense to dwell on it, which was only going to bum me out more.  So, I moved on.  We got back and I hung out with family the rest of the night/weekend and it was great!  

It turns out that it was a fabulous trip and that the change in scenery and the time to myself was just what I needed.  While I was driving home today from Colorado, I spent some time listening to Stephen Covey’s “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” and his topic on proactivity really spoke to me in regards to a training frustration of mine over the past 3 weeks.  He said, “our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions”.  And that “we have the initiative and the responsibility to make things happen”.  He continued talking about the word responsibility or looking it as 2 words, Response and Ability, indicating “the ability to choose our response”.  What I pulled from it was this, when I look back at my frustrations with people, I realized I chose that negative response.  I let myself be “reactive” to other people’s behaviors, instead of being proactive and choosing to make my response to people based on my values and my goals.  You see, reactive people are often affected by their environments, they let the weaknesses of others control their feelings and emotions.  I too was doing that.  Instead of focusing my energies on staying true to my commitment, working out hard each day and eating right; I instead allowed other’s behaviors to affect me emotionally and negatively.  Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can hurt you without your consent”. 

I have to remember that I CHOSE this journey and no one else.  I CHOSE all the rewards and the consequences of this commitment/goal.  I MADE the commitment to MYSELF to compete in the bikini competition. There are a lot of people that won’t understand what I’m doing and why.  There will be people that will say they will help me and then not.  There will be naysayers, there always are.  At the end of each day and at the end of this journey, I only have myself to answer to.  I am grateful though to those that have stepped forward to support me in this journey.  I lean on your words of support and encouragement each day.  Thank you for being there for me.  I try not to use names in my blog, since I haven’t asked anyone’s permission, but you all know who you are!!  Sending lot of love and hugs your way!! 

Mental State

As I stated before, this has to be one of the challenging and difficult things that I have ever done in my life.  It’s not the physical workouts that I have a tough time with, it’s the mental games and challenges that are killing me.  So there’s a pretty strict eating schedule that I follow.  Let me fill you in…

EATING =  UGGGHHH!!!!  I have a love/hate relationship with food these days.  If I had a choice, I’d choose to get fed through a feeding tube.  I really hate to cook and find no pleasure in it.  However, I LOVE to bake, but my ass doesn’t like me to bake too much.  (LOL)  ;)  I am simplistic in my meals, it makes it easier to plan this way.  I pretty much eat the same handful of foods every day.  The routine is annoying, but important to get me to my goals.  A couple of weeks ago, my trainer decreased my carb intake down to 72 grams of carbs a day.  Needless to say, this has been a great challenge to me, one that I seldom have been able to make these past couple weeks.  Do you know how many carbs are in things??  There’s 20 grams of carbs in one apple!!  About 19 grams of carbs in one packet of Quaker original (instant) oatmeal.  Basically your carbohydrates come from items with sugars and fiber.  Pop has tons of sugar, so that equals tons of carbs.  So now you’re probably thinking, so what the heck is she eating??  Exactly!  Let me fill you in.  My cubemate at work jokes that I’m on a feeding schedule and actually, it’s kind of true.  This is what my daily schedule looks like. 

4:30/4:45am – Wake up

4:45-5:45am – Get dressed for the gym, prepare breakfast & other meals for the day, do odds & ends around my apt., check e-mails/Facebook messages, etc.  Take 2 BCAA supplements

5:45 am – Leave for the gym.

6-7am – Work out.  When finished with workout take 2 BCAA supplements

7:30 am – Shower

8am – Eat Meal #1 which always consists of:  4 egg whites & 1 whole egg scrambled & 1 packet of Quaker Original (no sugar) oatmeal with cinnamon added.  (It tastes kind of like glue, but it’s my main source of carbs for the day so I enjoy every bite of it!)  Prior to every meal I take one free form amino acid supplement.

10am – Meal #2:  Vanilla protein shake & a green vegetable (green beans, asparagus, edamame, broccoli) and 8 almonds. 

Noon – Meal #3:  4 oz of lean protein (chicken, turkey, fish, and occasional lean beef) and vegetables – mostly green veggies, but sometimes carrots & cauliflower. 

2pm – Meal #4:  Vanilla protein shake & a green vegetable and 8 almonds. 

4pm – Meal #5:  Vanilla protein shake or 4 oz of lean protein & a green vegetable and 8 almonds. 

6pm – Meal #6:  4 oz of lean protein & a green vegetable.

7/8pm - Bedtime 

Occasionally I’ll add some fruits into the mix, mostly low glycemic fruits such as cantaloupe, strawberries, blackberries, & raspberries.   I can also have all the mushrooms, peppers, onions, celery, cabbage, cucumbers & spinach I want.  The challenge mentally comes in #1, preparing all my meals for the entire week & #2, the mundane foods that I eat day in and day out.  I definitely get full eating every 2 hours, but I can’t say that I get “satisfied” from my meals.  That’s where the mental struggle comes in.  There are times I’d rather just skip my 2pm or 4pm meal because, honestly, I can’t choke down much more chicken.  But, if I do end up missing it, then my cravings get WAY out of control.  The more I stick to the schedule, the more successful I am in reducing my cravings and stoking the fire of my body burning all those calories.  It’s a constant battle to get the protein and nutrients I need to repair my muscles from those tough daily workouts and to turn off my brain that says I really don’t want to eat it because it doesn't satisfy me like say pastas, snickers bars, and ice cream.  

So my friend tonight asked me if I thought this was all worth it?  To be honest, I’m struggling with that answer right now.  Part of me wants to throw the towel in and say “screw this!!” because it would be so much easier to just give up and go on and enjoy the upcoming holiday season and go have some beers at a tailgate or a nice big piece of cheesecake.  BUT, then that other side of my brain kicks in and starts thinking about all those motivational quotes, like “Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.” – Jim Rohn.  “Many of life’s failures are people who do not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” – Thomas Edison.  “Today I will do what others won’t, so tomorrow I can accomplish what others can’t.” – Jerry Rice.  “The difference in winning and losing is most often… not quitting." – Walt Disney.  What if I’ve made it all this way and have lost over 8% body fat and just quit on a goal/dream of mine.  To me, walking away is the same as giving up and what do I learn about adversity with that?  Part of me wonders if I was a little ambitious on my timeline and scheduled the contest too soon.  This is too big of a deal to make a snap decision.  I’m gonna let it marinate over the next couple of weeks.  I should know more about how I feel after watching the Rocky Mountain Classic this weekend.  I’m hoping that it will provide me with the inspiration that I need to keep pushing forward.  It’s a daily battle filled with many temptations and choices.  I’ve adopted the AA slogan “One day at a time”, and sometimes for me it’s one hour at a time. 

I have 3 goals that are a focus for me:  1) sticking to my nutrition 2) stretching 3) getting my extra cardio in every day.  It takes every ounce of will power and perseverance every day to meet those goals.  I fully expect to have many more of these mental breaks as I continue throughout this process.  As I’ve said before, this is by far the toughest thing I have ever done.  Here’s to a weekend of rejuvenation!